WordPress (Photo credit: Adriano Gasparri)

It’s been days since I’ve been here, because I changed the color theme and somehow locked myself out. I felt bad.

A writer is just a person who writes and it’s not too mysterious, or as uppity, as it might sound sometimes.

But a writer gets down when he or she can’t write, especially if she’s become comfortable with her sense of place, which for me is WordPress, which has been with me all along here, working so hard in the background, doing things I could not do by myself.

WordPress deserves lots of credit and lots of appreciation, for all that work, helping people create and share with each other, words and pictures and wisdom and many beautiful things.

People need to create things and they get depressed if they can’t try. I read that statement years ago and it’s true: “Impression Without Expression Equals Depression.”

People try to find ways to express their fire and ice. That’s why I don’t mind graffiti too much, because graffiti means somebody wants to express himself or herself (or themselves), to try to paint something colorful, or to say something, maybe to cry on concrete.

When you get locked out, or lock yourself out, it’s like trapping a wild beautiful thing, for no good purpose. It hurts.

It was such a wonderful (and scary) surprise to see today that someone named Deborah at WordPress was there, trying to help get this blog going again, like a person who reaches out to help someone, or something, that’s trapped. I read Deborah’s note in my in-box and felt great relief, but also disbelief, like could it really be true? Could this problem really be fixed?

When I looked and saw that things might be okay here again, I had to go outside, trying to calm down. I walked outside, trying to see the first beautiful thing. It was everything beautiful, like the precision-cut grass and autumn all around, and a pretty black metal round of benches for people to sit, with a tree right in the middle, and bright clear sunlight, with air just-right cool and crisp and free, so easy to breathe.

Today, everything is so beautifully clear instead of hazy.

Faith gets tried. Faith is hard, because you are trying to see what isn’t there, and believe it really is, through clouds and haze.

Faith can be a muddy business. But sometimes God lets us have precious clarity, like a quality and genuine diamond, multi-faceted, the beautiful miracle of fire and ice, which is the potential and worth of every human being. I don’t want anybody to die or get hurt for diamonds, but diamonds are so beautiful, like all the precious stones, and even the common ones, which look up at us from clear crystal streams, holding us in place.

It’s embarrassing to feel this way, to miss you so much and to know WordPress helps me so much and I took it all too much for granted. I’m sorry for ever taking anyone or anything for granted. I’ll try not to do that again.

So, I hope to see you Thursday. The late Christian writer Eugenia Price said, in her devotional book, that we can share our pleasant stones. Maybe sometime today, I’ll catch my breath again. Whew.

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Kasha-Katuwe Tent Rocks National Monument, New Mexico, United States of America. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Would you believe somebody sent me some unexpected money yesterday, enough to buy a bottle of Emeraude, which said on the back it’s from Paris and is timeless and romantic.

It made me feel good to get that surprise, because I had yearned for perfume yesterday and it’s like God noticed and cared and wanted me to have the fragrance.

But still, something was off this morning. Making coffee didn’t help like it usually does and nothing felt right or on time. So I went to the nutrition center and it was annoying there too. Let’s not go into it. We got lunch served.

Let’s just skip over all about the unsettled day today.

We have to work at waiting on God and resting in God, Who makes homes for the lonely. God can break us out of the just-me jail. It’s in the Psalms.

For now, it’s just me out here, trying to wait and trying to work and trying to get centered.

The beat goes on. I’ve heard annoying things will turn into priceless pearls someday, if we let them. If we liked it, it wouldn’t work, would it?

They say only real pearls feel scratchy on your teeth.

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English: Sight from the Southern Highroads Trail in Polk County, TN (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Not too long ago, when it was still summertime, I drove out and parked my car, to look out over the peaceful-looking beauty of Ocoee Dam No. 2 in Polk County, Tennessee.

That day was beautiful, with clear blue skies and not too hot. You could look out over the lake green water or read the plaque about the Ocoee River and the Tennessee Valley Authority and whatever else is on that plaque. The dam holds back the vast green lake water. Three men, maybe in their 40s, rode up and parked their Harley-Davidsons.

Harley-Davidson motorcycles are dangerous machines. Whether you’re male or female, a Harley-Davidson can seduce you. It happened to me in the spring of 1969 at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, which I attended for about a year. My freshman roommate met a young man who rode a Harley-Davidson. He was studying nuclear physics, or some other science. I just remember “nuclear.” This young man had black hair and a black beard. He smoked marijuana. He seduced my roommate.

One time, they asked me to take a motorcycle trip with them. My roommate’s boyfriend asked if I’d ride with his friend, who also rode a Harley-Davidson, and who had very black hair and a very black beard.

Let’s cut to the chase. Eventually, God took me away from dangerous bikes and seductive types for good. God, in His great vast love, is still teaching me (at this late date) about the dangerous seduction of predatory power, with its low sweet sound and empty bitter promises. (Not always on a Harley. Not always with a beard.)

We don’t have to fall for it again, if we give Jesus our whole hearts, above anybody or anything else. If there’s not a whole heart to give, Jesus will take the broken one, to heal it.

While Jesus heals, watch out for that hurtful-lying voice, soft and sleek, or rumbling and wild and gorgeous, with shiny chrome, glimmering there. Whatever its pitch, that lying voice is always low to the ground, like a Big Cat, destined to devour. You can’t trust anything that seductive voice says. (A friend may have to remind you).

That day, while I sat looking out over the lake, trying to calm down from a family fight and a painful memory, those men got back on their Harleys, one with a key and automatic ignition. That unmistakable Harley-Davidson gut-level rumble pounced out from all three bikes.

However, in just a few seconds, maybe nanoseconds, everything went quiet. When I looked back over my shoulder to see what happened, those men and their machines had disappeared around the curve, right behind the solid rock near the edge of the road.

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Tudor Potter (Photo credit: Kotomicreations)

Sometimes it seems like doing just about anything is better than doing nothing.

Feeling powerless to effect good change vexes the soul. Today so many things remained and frustrated me, I just headed outta town to Murphy, North Carolina in the gorgeous sunshine. Maybe I’ll find a job there in Murphy, I thought. Maybe that city will be different from this city.

Ever felt that way? Things aren’t changing! It’s the same as it was 100 years ago!

Some sameness is comforting, but too much sameness is stifling.

That stifled feeling is dangerous if you think about it, but we’re usually not thinking about it. When we make some rash decision, we are usually feeling too much of something or too little of something. Neither feeling will always take us to a good place, will it?

It can all work out in the end, God love us, but God is the key. Only God can turn our curses into blessings, but we have to follow God’s lead and trust He has our best interests at heart when we mess up and mess up real fast. Jesus did lots of things immediately, but He never did anything hastily. There’s a difference.

Anyway, about 30 minutes, more or less, out toward Murphy, I turned back. What good would moving really do? Who said it? “Wherever I go, there I am.” The only real change we can make is within ourselves. God will help us if we really mean it. If we change for the better inside, I’m betting it creates lots of free space and then we don’t feel stifled and cluttered up and mad and scared so much.

Make things work here. I gotta make hay while the sun shines. If you look it up at http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings, you can learn that Tudor farmers had to make hay while the sun shines. They didn’t have fancy equipment and weather forecasts that make feeding livestock as stress-resistant as it is today. Tudor farmers had to cut, dry and gather hay, which took two to three days, literally while the sun shone, because apparently you can’t make hay in the rain.

Pushing through sameness and futility hurts and frustrates, but what else can we do sometimes? I dropped a job application off at an ice cream parlor and they need cart pushers and other people at Wal-Mart and a local news station needs some help.

And I’m writing this to you and it’s not makin’ hay because there’s no pay, but maybe it counts somehow. Glean all you want and maybe we will all have enough.

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